We are home! Laundry is in process. Groceries have been obtained. My girls are tired but peaceful. And I am still trying to sort through the beauty of my weekend at Hutchmoot. It’s funny…Walt Wangerin Jr. reminded us that “artists come upon the mess of life and bring an order upon it, and an artist is a heaper into heaps, a piler into piles.” And yet…I can’t quite seem to heap or pile my own thoughts about this weekend. It’s coming…just slowly. And that says much about Hutchmoot. It was so rich, so full that my heart and mind need time and stillness to listen to my Father’s voice as He brings order upon it all.
One thing I do know…I was ready to stop blogging. I really enjoy it, but it does take a lot of time. And then there are those days when I am more concerned with how many views my newest post got than with just sharing what’s on my heart. Ick. Pretty gross. And even though I was ready to stop, I wasn’t ready to close this blog down. I love the title of it:) And I knew I might post on occasion.
Part of my frustration was with the inconsistency of this blog. I started it out to be a place of peace. I had beautiful quotes and artwork lining the sides of it. I would share thoughts as well as many quotes along the way. Then, my life was turned upside down…not long after this blog sprouted. This place became a place of refuge. I would come almost daily and find a quote, a song, a picture that took me either deeper into the chaos eating away at my core or further from it. I shared some of those things here.
Things shifted. I wanted a place to write. I wrote a few things here, but it felt choppy after all the quotes and such. So many blogs that I read are specific. A blog specifically with homeschooling thoughts, book thoughts, spiritual nourishment, family thoughts. Mine is a yarn basket. There are various colours, various textures, some are neatly wrapped, others are spilling over the side. But I’ve realized…this is my life. This past year has been crazy, and I’ve needed to share it in different ways at different times. And that’s ok!
So…one thing this weekend helped me realize is that I don’t really want to stop blogging. I just need to give myself the freedom to share what each season brings.
I’ve also been thinking through some things I am truly passionate about. Books. Film. Quotes. Music. Visual art. Hutchmoot reminded me of all these friends. In the midst of my struggles over the last 12 months, I foolishly set aside a few of these things. Oh, they were always present in some way or another, but I did not allow them to help shape my sorrows each time that I should have. Art has a way of piercing the center of our core like nothing else. Its rays displace the shadows with truth.
I have had so many ideas on how to use some of these gifts/passions I have. But I cannot do them all. Each idea is slowly being chewed upon. Some I will spit out. Some I will swallow. And as I continue to wait for the Author of Story to shape the thoughts in mind and have His way with me, I will leave you with this quote I read yesterday from George MacDonald’s Weighed and Wanting (actually it’s the edited version by Dan Hamilton…On Tangled Paths…sometimes the edited version are more easily come by than the beautiful, Johannesen originals:)
Painful the will of God may be–that I well know, as who that cares anything about it does not! But dreary, no! Have patience, my love. Your heart’s deepest desire must be the will of God, for He cannot have made you so that your heart should run counter to His will; let Him but have His own way with you, and your desire He will give you. To that goes His path. He delights in His children; so soon as they can be indulged without ruin, He will heap upon them their desires, for they are His too.
