Wow. I don’t even know where to start. I have decided this season of my life is just one of interruption. Maybe disruption is a better word. I have been pulled quite thin, and sometimes I feel like I’m gasping for air. And it seems that just when I’m starting to breathe again, I’m pushed back under the rough waters. I have started this post many times in the last week, and my head and fingers just don’t seem to be communicating well. So…I’m just going to babble. There may be no rhyme or reason, but I need to get it out.
Last August, my husband called me one morning from the hotel he was staying in for business to tell me he was resigning from his well-paying, stable job. We had talked about it prior…the demands of his boss were suffocating him, and he was away from home 4 days of each week. So, although I felt a sigh of relief when he called, it was still scary. The position he was in and the company he was with were the best in his field. And the reality of it all was that anything else he did in the same field would more than likely require the same or more of him.
So…he was home without a job or any leads for anything new. Within 2 weeks of that, Brian had 2 offers. The job he chose was in a completely different field and the pay is commission only (if he sells…he gets paid). That has been a bit scary! But Brian is at home most of the time. He goes to a few conferences here and there, but it is NOTHING compared to what we were dealing with. And he very much enjoys what he’s doing. It’s not perfect, of course, but so far it is good! But the transition was a bit of dark, rocky road.
Then in November of 2009, we discovered a mole on our older daughter that was biopsied (read more here). The panel reading the mole was unsure whether or not it was melanoma and recommended that we have the surrounding areas removed and biopsied as well. Due to the holiday season, we had to wait until January to have the surgery. It was a long period of finding the right doctors and then just waiting. We had no idea what path our lives would take. Thankfully, the 2nd biopsy showed no trace of atypical cells or anything cancerous! My daughter does have rare skin condition, which we discovered from the biopsy. And while treatment is a bit of trial and error, we’re very thankful for it! And we believe our younger daughter has it well. I’m so glad to know what it is.
Two months later, in March 2010, my girls and I were upstairs in the game room of our ASL’s teacher’s home. My younger daughter (age 6) was watching her friend of the same age yell at her dogs on the driveway below, my older daughter was playing, and the teacher and I were talking. A minute later there was silence. The little girl had fallen out of her 2nd story window and landed onto the concrete below. After calling 911 and doing everything I knew to do to get the little girl and her mom to the helicopter, the little girl was life-flighted to a hospital downtown while a friend drove her mom to meet her there. Within a few hours, we heard that many tests concluded she was just fine…no broken bones, no brain injury (she had hit her head). Just a large bump, a black eye and a few scratches. We were so relieved!
However, the trauma and shock of that day took a few weeks to work through. Among other things, I was completely on edge with my girls. I didn’t want them even riding their bikes. I did take them to swimming lessons about 3 weeks ago, and the ropes that separate the lanes hadn’t been set up yet. My 6 year-old can’t touch in the deepest water and uses those ropes if she needs to rest for a moment. She started bobbing up and down, almost to the point of gasping for air, and her teacher was about 20 feet away, out of the pool, helping another child. I saw him glance at her, but I was out of my seat, centimeters away from the edge of that pool ready to dive in. She somehow made her way over to the nearest rope, but I have not taken them back. I think it was just too much for my not quite settled nerves.
Also during this time, I discovered that my daughter’s steroid eye drops were no longer holding her blood vessels at bay. My 8 year-old also has a rare condition where she develops blood vessels on her corneas. If left untreated, the vessels would pool together and form opaque spots on her cornea and eventually she would go blind. She’s been using these same drops for 4 1/2 years, but they are no longer working. Last week we started her on a low-dose antibiotic. I am praying this will work!
And then…last Sunday night, rather late, I received a call from my mom telling me that my brother (my only sibling) had been in a car accident but was okay. He had been texting, not wearing his seatbelt and was going about 50 mph. He ran into a stopped car. Thankfully, the air bag held him in, but his head went above it and hit the windshield. He had swelling and bleeding in the brain and a skull fracture. My mom had gotten the call from the nurse, called Josh’s girlfriend and friends, and they immediately went to be with him. My parents live 15 hours away, and left very early last Monday morning to get to the hospital.
At this point, we were under the assumption that he was doing pretty well and might be able to go home that day. This was not at all the case. When my parents got there late Monday night and actually saw Josh, all he could do was sleep. The nurse and his girlfriend had to wake him up every 10 minutes to assure he did not go into too deep of a sleep and to check his short-term memory (which was not active at that point). My parents were told he injured the impulsive part of his brain, and it would take 6 months to a year before it was healed. They recommended my dad get the power of attorney for everything that Josh owned (including his business), and my dad did so.
On Tuesday, he was able to get his catheter out and walk to the restroom. He stumbled around like someone who was drunk, but he could get there. His knew my parents, knew my voice when I talked to him on the phone, but at this point, he was still sleeping most of the time and had no eye contact.
On Wednesday, things drastically changed. I called to get the latest update, and my mom immediately handed the phone to Josh. He told me he thought everyone was making too much of a deal about him, asked me if I was taking good care of his nieces and told me he loved me. I was excited and astonished! He was much more alert and able to answer many questions.
On Thursday, Josh walked out of his room on the trauma floor and into his room in rehab. He had 3 hours of rehab that day, and the therapists said he was doing so well that they wanted to have a council to discuss when he could go home. On Friday morning, my parents took my brother to his house! He is not to do anything for 30 days but rest and rehab. At the end of the 30 days, he will go back for an evaluation and a driving test, if he’s ready. He is still a bit cloudy and a bit unstable, but hopefully time and rehab will be the tools God uses to heal that. We are heading out there in 2 weeks to see him and do anything we can to help.
Talk about a roller coaster of emotions! I think I’ve felt it all over these past 9 months. I know that God is at work in each of these situations and in each person’s life He’s touched in these ways. I have to wonder what He’s up to! I know, too, that He is up to something in my own heart. And I take comfort. For although He is not safe…He is good!
I also know that these situations are a drop in a bucket compared to what others are dealing with. I learned about this sweet little girl a couple of days ago, and her story is heartbreaking.
And although my circumstances are not to this extent, they are still mine to deal with. And so often right now I’m reminded of what Gandalf said to Frodo when Frodo said he wished the one ring had never come to him…
So do all who see such times. But that is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that we are given.
snippets of story 